The Pain and Joy of Downsizing
Parkshore at Juanita Bay under construction - Thanksgiving, 2025 - our home-to-be
The Pain and Joy of Downsizing
After almost 30 years in one residence, my husband and I are downsizing and moving to a senior living community, sometimes referred to as a retirement home. We knew this would require disposing of some of our possessions, but we might not have fully realized how challenging this would be.
Early on it was exciting to learn that there were lots of resources to help with this process. There are workshops to explain options and multiple consultants eager to help. In fact, a whole industry appears to have grown up in anticipation of the needs of aging baby boomers who are relocating. There are so many eager entrepreneurs wanting to help that it’s hard to figure out with whom to deal. First consultations are usually free, so you could fill your calendar meeting helpful people and then get more confused than you were to begin with.
As an example, you might hire someone calling themselves a “downsizer” or “organizer.” Even analyzing their websites, you might not understand exactly what they do. After the free “get-acquainted” session, the charge can be $90 to $100 an hour. The first downsizer we met with wanted to reorganize our storeroom. For a fee of hundreds of dollars she would rearrange everything so items would be easier to find. It would be up to us to decide later what to dispose of. We decided we weren’t ready for that project.
Our second downsizer had a $300 minimum charge for 3 hours of work. We figured we’d give her a try, without really understanding what she would do. We liked her a lot but were somewhat surprised that she functioned much like a cheerleader and a magician who made treasures disappear once you decided an item could be parted with. She encouraged us to sort through files, clothes and books and took away the items we didn’t need. She seemed to have endless energy, but I was getting exhausted by this process. I couldn’t let her go early, however, after paying my $300. I realized that the primary purpose she served was to motivate us to sort through items quickly and then to be relieved that she took them away before we could change our minds.
Our second $300 session went a little differently. Using her fee as motivation to get ourselves to pre-sort as many possessions as possible, we made piles in our dining room of books, clothes and collectibles to give away. We helped our organizer get a good parking place near our building elevator and spent at least an hour helping her pack the relinquished items into her van. It felt good to see things go, without our need to deliver them to Goodwill or the thrift store. We then had a couple hours left to jointly go through closets and files to add more items to the van. I was worn out at the end of the 3 hours yet there was still much more to do.
When friends and acquaintances heard about this process, we received lots of unsolicited advice. People pointed out that we would not get a tax deduction by just giving away so many items through the downsizer. It was also pointed out that we could have sold many of these things on E-Bay or through a consignment shop. Some people pointed out various museums or historical societies that might like items such as ancient college yearbooks or an antique 20 pound iron used in my great grandfather’s buggy shop.
We had to ask friends to stop giving us advice. We have experienced the liquidation of estates for 4 parents and an aunt. We’ve had the frustration of trying to deal with consignment stores which reject most items brought in and sometimes treat customers as being stupid for thinking someone would buy their treasures. The downsizing workshops had taught us that there was little market for old dishes and flatware. Given the quantity of possessions to be disposed of, we did not feel we had the time or energy to search for willing buyers or do the documentation needed for tax deductions.
We have tried gifting items through online posts. While we once did that on Facebook, that option is no longer available. You can read why I got off FB from an earlier blogpost. Recent giveaways have been through Nextdoor. Sometimes it has worked well and other times there were frustrations as a result of recipients not showing up when promised.
Treasures needing new homes: Daughter’s art, Aunt’s ceramic piece, Great Grandfather’s irons, Aunt’s metal children and dog, Grandparents’ old sink which served as toy bin for their children.
We haven’t tried auction services and don’t think an estate sale is practical when we live in a condominium and most of our furniture is going with us to our new home. While auction services offer to sell through pictures posted on their website and then supervise the pick-up at the seller’s home, we are told that the minimum bid on nearly all items is $5 and half the proceeds go to the auction organizer. We don’t think we have enough things to sell to justify this process, but admit that we don’t know that for sure.
We are working with a complimentary moving consultant, arranged by our retirement community, and we have hired a move manager, but their services will mostly kick in when the actual move occurs. With the magic of modern relocation services, they will pack up all our things, coordinate with the moving company, and then unpack and put away everything in the new residence. We hope to leave our old place one day and be able to sleep in our new home the next day, with everything neatly put away in proper locations.
You might be wondering where the joy is in this process. Most of what we are doing is tedious, such as packing and delivering items for Goodwill. It can be sad to give away books we love and to dispose of boxes of family slides and photos which we don’t have the time, energy and motivation to scan and organize into a digital format.
Boxes awaiting the next trip to Goodwill, the thrift shop, trash or recycle bin. Most previously held possessions now disposed of.
In the midst of this dreariness, there are smiles as we discover our daughter’s souvenirs and photos from when she traveled to China as a 12-year-old as part of a student group. We also eagerly watched a poor-quality video that we didn’t remember having, which featured my parents giving a tour of their home and garden to be shown to a relative who was unable to visit. We also watched a video of our daughter’s 6th grade graduation, where her career plans were announced, coming somewhat close to what she actually does today. I found my high school annual which had been lost for decades. I couldn’t resist reading all the comments from classmates. They put me in a happy mood. Everyone was kind and optimistic about our unknown future, despite the Vietnam War which was in its early stages.
Another joy underlying this process is the anticipation of living in a new home, where we can customize our layout to meet our changing needs. We also have the pleasure of meeting the men and women who will be our new neighbors. The management team from our new community has planned lots of activities to help us get acquainted and to share information that helps us prepare for what is likely the last chapter of our lives. We are excited about the new building, the activities it will offer, and the new friends we are already getting to know.
There’s not yet an end to this story. I will write more once we are settled into our new residence and the sale of our current home has been accomplished. There’s lots to do before then.
Carolyn Hayek
Awards now in picture form only. A sample of a former life.
